Monday, June 30, 2008

Why Tennis Sucks

I guess Wimbeldon is going on right now.

Who knew?

I was listening to the radio this morning and heard the announcements concerning who won, who was upset, et cetera, et cetera. Then, something dawned on me: I cannot remember the last time I actually watched tennis. It's been at least 15 years since I watched a whole match. Oh, I've seen a minute or two of it in the last few years, just enough to remind me that tennis sucks.

But why? I played regularly as a child, even making and captaining my high school tennis team (to mostly poor results.) I remember walking around as a kid and seeing the courts full at night, after it had cooled down. I remember having to wait to play. But now? I couldn't tell you the last time I saw someone actually playing tennis at a local court.

A few reasons for the decline of tennis:

1. Technology. The rackets are so superb, and you can hit the ball so damn fast, that it takes all of the art out of the game. It's just pound it, pound it, pound it now.

2. Golf took over: as the weenie sport for people to play. I mean, it's less physical work to play golf, and if you are going to suck at a sport, like you most certainly will with golf or tennis, you might as well play the sport Tigah Tigah Woods plays.

3. No good Americans: When that douche Andy Roddick is your best hope on the men's side, and Venus and Serena Williams, who care more about designing ugly clothes than playing tennis, are your best hopes on the women's side, you have problems.

4. Wimbledon coverage starts at 7 AM: People aren't going to get up at 7 AM to watch no tennis. If you even want a chance at getting people to watch, you've got to change that.

5. You're only good until you're 22 years old: What other sports exist where you peak at 15? Gymnastics? You know how gymnastics is just killing it in the ratings.

In the end, maybe I don't know why tennis sucks, exactly. I just know that it sucks. And someone needed to say it.

15 comments:

Rob said...

I'll tell you the last time I watched a whole tennis match: Sharapova's first Wimbeldon. Let me tell you I was glued to the TV. Didn't realize there was much tennis going on...

Taylor said...

Wow. Coming from the tennis captain himself. Two points that I agree with completely - No good Americans and golf. Amen. I turn on Wimbledon out of tradition - I used to watch Sampras and Agassi growing up. Now I don't know who any of the players are other than Federer. And he's not American.

Anonymous said...

Also, Sharapova-not that hot. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Pretty hot though. Probably out of your league at least. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

She's not out of my league. I did her twice.

G said...

Please use the word "tennis" less. Thank you.

G said...

Please use the word "tennis" less. Thank you.

Taylor said...

10 times is a bit much...

Boyd said...

please use the joke

"please use the word "---" less"

less. It's already unfunny. Jackass.

G said...

Since when were you the arbiter of what is and what isn't funny Boy?. Get bent.

Boyd said...

Since the day I was capable of cognition. In other words, since the day is was born. If you want to say something funny, ask me and I'll tell you what to say, and then people will think you actually have a good sense of humor.

Cheeth said...

hahaha

Anonymous said...

unathletic eh? nice stereotyping on about every level including racial. but keep up the pseudo masculine posturing by all means. i guess watching guys slap each other's asses and touch each other is pretty manly right?

Anonymous said...

I agree
American Tennis has gone the way of the dinsaur.
It all ended with Pete Sampras in 2000 when he was the last American to win Wibledon.
AMerican men have also become too insecure with their manlyness that they see tennis as a "fag" sport when nothing could be further from the truth.
Also it does suck when you are at your peak at 20. There are alot of good football and basketball players in their late 20s or early 30s. Brett Favre wants to play football again and he's pushing 40!!
It'll be a cold day in hell when we see a 40 year old pro tennis player.

Anonymous said...

you suck at tennis, that's why you don't like it.