Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Basketball Tonight

It is Tuesday and tonight, at 9 PM Mountain Daylight Time (MDT), I will go to a local church and play me some hoops.

I get together with a bunch of (mostly bad)players and we run for an hour or two under the guise of getting some exercise. There are a few guys who played high school ball, and a few who were just regular old scrubs, and then a few 'tards. When they show, everyone cringes. The games are at a church, so you can't exactly say, "beat it, tards, you bring the quality of the game down too much." The best you can hope for is that 2 tards show up and get put on opposite teams and gaurd each other. This works like cross multiplication and they cancel each other out. ( I won't lie, I'm not even sure if that is what cross multiplication does, but you get the point.)

So we play at this church and it is pretty funny. One guy plays with an intensity that Kevin Garnett could not reach. You know the guy. He is usually about 5'7" and he doesn't give a damn about your ACL. He is getting that ball. You don't want to call a foul or traveling on that guy, someone could get punched. Then you have the guys who used to play high school and they are the ones yelling at other people to "box out" or "get back on D", while their man is torching them and rebounds continually fly over their heads. Then you have the regular guy. He's just there to work out, hit a few shots, and get away from the wife and kids. He's just happy to be there.

Then you have me. I'm pretty much content to waddle between the three point lines, hoping I get the ball, and whining when I don't. Don't be surprised if I hit a 3 and exclaim "That shot was as pure and true as the scriptures!" That's just how I roll.

Then I turn and look at the guy gaurding me and realize, "hey, this guy gaurding me is a tar...."

Seems I've been cross multiplied.


Cheeth said...

I love church ball. It's great, even here in Japan. Only here, there is no equitable picking of teams. It is all random, making an all-tard team possible. I am a tard in the states, hands down, but here, I am pretty good.