Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The 2008 Summer Olypmics-Brought To You By Who Gives A Damn

The Olympics are here! The Olypmics are here!

Oh, what a time of hope and joy. Maybe the Chinese will give the working children 9.75 seconds off, their tiny, useful hands tensed in anticipation as they watch the hundred meters dash.

Nationalistic pride is put at stake every 4 years, as the world meets for the Summer games. Some countries hope to take home just a single medal, be it made of bronze, silver or gold. Some, like the US, care only about the gold.

Non sports-lovers will get caught up in the excitement and "human drama" that unfolds at the Olympics. Bob Costas will make about a thousand horrible puns during the opening ceremony. Your Mom will get all excited and teary eyed about some guy whose Brother just died and is dedicating his victory in weightlifting to him. You could set your watch to it.

Me? I couldn't give less of a shit.

See, I like sports. And the Olympics aren't big on sports. Oh, they have athletic competions, but sports? Not many. The Olympics are especially short on sports people actually care about. (1-Basketball)

Don't tell me swimming is a sport. It's not. Cycling? No. Shooting? Wrestling? Archery? No. No. No.

Now, are these athletic events? Of course. Do they take a lot of skill? Absolutely. But they are not sports. See, these are just glorified pissing contests. Who can run faster, jump higher, swim more synchronized? Those aren't sports. There is no stratagy, no defense, no ball, nothing other than the basics that make up real sports. Sports require that you run, jump, etc, all while doing other things. (gaurding a man, passing, shooting, rebounding, pushing, setting up a strategic play.) That is why they are superior. That is why the best athletes play sports.
You can't tell me that if LeBron James just wanted to run, he couldn't become the best runner in the world. Or the best cyclist. He is 5 times the athlete Lance Armstrong is. But he didn't care about those activities because he wanted to play with other elite athletes, those who play NBA Basketball. (or NFL Football,or, gulp, Soccer.)

See, when only 30 people in the world even try fencing, it just isn't that impressive to be the best fencer in the world. (fencer? fencist? I don't honestly know.) Now, when 40 million kids grow up dreaming of being NBA players, or 5 Billion kids grow up trying to be pro Soccer players, making it to the elite levels is a feat worthy of recognition.

So enjoy the Olympics, non-sports fans, but just know this, my TV won't be tuned in and I won't be reading the news, and I don't care about the made up drama. The Summer Olympics aren't horrible, I guess, but they just aren't for me. Worse certainly exists:

The Winter Olympics.