Thursday, August 28, 2008

Useless Trivia

I love to talk. Those who know me know this is an understatement. I can chat it up with the best of them. In fact, I am the best of them, so I can chat it up with myself, and often do. In my car. Loudly. To myself. I then turn with crazy eyes to the soccer mom in the car next to me and mouth "You're Next!" while pointing at her. Ok. That got wierd. I don't actually do that very often.

Now, in my many conversations, I have noticed that something seems to happen quite frequently. A topic comes up, and I am able to adroitly give a factiod or snippet of information about said topic. Sometimes this is done to humerous effect, and sometimes it is done solely for information's sake. Either way, the reaction often goes something like this: "Ha ha. Man, you know a lot of useless trivia."

Excusez-moi? Did you just call what I said useless? Cuz I just used it, biatch. I used it to make our conversation more fulfilling and interesting. I just made myself appear smarter, which I am, because I know more than you. I proved it by making that excellent point I just barely made 2 seconds ago.
You know what's useless to me? All that calculus and chemistry that's up in your brain. You work in sales, bro. You waste brain space on the atomic mass of plutonium (244.0 amu), or the freezing point of alcohol (-117 degrees farenheit.) Now I know those 2 facts as well, because I Googled them. Booyah.

So don't tell me it's useless trivia to know who the last player to legally throw the spitball in baseball was, because not only have I had several opportunities to share that tidbit, one time my boy Cheeth was at a Mariners game when that exact question came up on the scoreboard, and you can only imagine how impressed the 50 people around him were when he stood and shouted "Burleigh Grimes" and the scoreboard revealed that same answer. And he wouldn't even have known that if I hadn't told him.

So think twice before you call my trivia useless again, because I just used it.
(and FYI that is a picture of Cliff Clavin, who used trivia to make the show Cheers waaay more awesome than it would have been without him. I suggest you take the time to watch this.)