Friday, October 17, 2008

Letter To Vick Intercepted

You may not know this, but we here at the Jockstrap have a lot of ties to the men and women who work in correctional facilities. A person on the inside of the federal prison at Leavenworth, Kansas where Michael Vick currently is detained intercepted mail correspondence that Vick received yesterday. Vick has recently been in the news again because his former owner Arthur Blank recently told ESPN that he feels Vick should be allowed to play in the NFL again after his prison sentence for dog fighting is over. Our inside man got a hold of this letter, thinking it may be from Blank. It is not, but still has interesting information the fans of NFL Football will want to see. He sent it to me with the instructions to keep his name and position at the prison confidential. I post the letter for you here:

Dearest Michael,

I hope this letter reaches you in good spirits. I have heard that prison wears a man down, and drives him to the brink of insanity. I hope this is not the case with you. I understand that you have been working out and throwing a football around to keep your skills as sharp as possible. This is wise. Upon your release from prison, surely the NFL will give you a chance at redemption. This is America, and people love a story of redemption.
Michael, I think you should use this time wisely and learn from your fellow inmates all that you can. They can be a wealth of information. You and your friends were sloppy before, but in prison you can learn how to run a much more efficient clandestine dog fighting regime. You can be linked with the finest breeders of top notch Pit Bulls in the World. Don’t be lazy, and don’t seek out Allah or Jesus, none of that will help you now.
You have been a good tool in my hands, and I look forward to the day we meet, face to face, and I can tell you “job well done.” Beside that, the addition of you, Ray Lewis, Ray Carruth and OJ Simpson will really help our football team when we have to take on the Hosts of Heaven in our annual Heaven/Hell football challenge.

Sincerely,

Satan

PS-You should probably do something to get thrown in the hotbox every now and then. You need to get used to warm conditions. Let's just say we don't have central air down here :)

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