Tuesday, November 11, 2008

NBA Birthday Slumber Party!!!!

When we were children our parents would allow us to have a slumber party with 5 or 6 of our best friends on our Birthdays. I would invite Phil Yawn, Adam Allred, Edwin Johnson, Nicholas Correa and a couple of wild cards, maybe a Kevin Lee or a Les Mounteer. Anyhew, we we would stay up half the night playing video games, maybe go out and toilet paper somebody's yard, and have a pillow fight that may or may not end in me getting punched in the face by an angry Indian boy because someone had forgotten to take a baseball out of thier pillow case and repeatedly bashed said Indian boy over the head several times with the ball. But no matter.

This morning, I got to thinking about these parties and asked myself what NBA players I would invite to my birthday party if I were a 10 year old boy again. I couldn't invite too many crazy players, because that might end in my Dad coming out and telling us it was time we went to bed, or he might have to take Ron Artest and Ricky Davis home. No, I would want mostly fun guys, but also, 1 crazy guy to keep things interesting. Here is my list and rational behind each pick.

Paul Pierce, Celtics
I want this guy because he is my favorite player. His nickname is "The Truth," so if he breaks something accidentaly, he'll fess up and not try to cover it up. My Dad hates being lied to. Paul seems like a pretty fun guy, and said that he partied for weeks after the Championship. Also, if we were out in the neighborhood looking for a girl's house to toilet paper and some older boys tried to rough us up, Paul would be tough and stand up for us. After surviving multiple stabbings, you can't question this guy's toughness.

Tim Duncan, Spurs
Tim has to come to my birthday slumber party. He's good because he's kind of shy, will laugh at most of my jokes, and won't try to steal too much attention from me. He'll fit in with the other guys that come to the party. I could never invite Kobe or LeBron, they would try to make the party about them. This is my special day, guys. Keep the focus on me. The other reason Tim would for sure be at my birthday party is because my Mom would make me invite him. She would say "Why don't you invite that little Timmy Duncan? He's so well behaved. Yeah. I'm sending an invitation to him."

Andrei Kirilenko-Jazz
Why AK47? Because we need someone to make fun of, don't we? At every party, some kid gets picked on and ends up wanting to go home. We would mock Andrei for his poor English and bad hairdo until he wanted to go home. We would make jokes about Borscht and the fall of Communism until Andrei cried for Mommy and left.

Shaquille O'Neal-Suns
Who would be more fun at a slumber party than Shaq? After our late night tomfoolery, when we were all lying down in our sleeping bags trying to finally sleep, you know Shaq would be the one farting and sending everyone into bouts of hysteria until Dad came in and told us it was time to go to bed. Then, as soon as Dad was back down the hall, another monster fart. Silly Shaq.

Gilbert Arenas-Wizards
I told you we needed one crazy guy didn't I? Gilbert seems like an endlessly entertaining guy. He would have us all laughing at his crazy jokes and stories. He would eat all of his cake and leave the frosting for last. He would be the one to poop in a bag and leave it on the porch when we were out toilet papering. When things got rowdy, you know Gilbert would be in the center of them yelling "Hibachi!" Mom sure would be glad when Gilbert's Dad came to pick him up the next morning.

Who would be at your party?


Anonymous said...

Arenas and Shaq. They have to be the two most entertaining guys in the NBA for very different reasons. Maybe at the party you could get Shaq to ask Kobe how his ass tastes. That'd be fun.

Boyd said...

come on guys, I was expecting a whole bunch of homoerotic disses and haven't even gotten one yet.

Taylor said...

Boyd - you are so gay.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I just got around to reading your post Boyd. My homoerotic diss: the words "slumber party" are pretty queer. The thought of a bunch of prepubescent boys having a slumber party is pretty gay to me for some reason. I probably would have gone with "sleepover." Yeah, it's almost as bad. Almost.