Wednesday, December 10, 2008

No, I am Your Father LeBron.

Who could forget this scene:

Not me. Even though I was like 5 when this movie came out, I almost crapped my pants when I found out that Darth Vader was the father of young Luke Skywalker. Well, I've got an inside scoop that is likely to make the sports world and blogosphere crap it's collective pants: LeBron James has found out who his true father is: Karl "The Mailman" Malone. (Not to be confused with Tyrone "The Milkman" Corbin.)

NBA players are prodigious at creating illegitimate babies, and Karl Malone, while not on a level with Shawn Kemp (7), is certainly at an All-Star, if not Hall of Fame level for creating 3 little lovechildren himself. We here at the Jockstrap have learned of a 4th illegitimate Malone child: LeBron James.*

Come on, people. It all makes perfect sense. LeBron and Karl are about the same height and weight, bare a striking physical resemblance, and are both extremely talented athletes, as are all of Malone's illegitimate children.

The Strap has learned that when LeBron found out about his true ancestry Tuesday Morning, his initial reaction was, unlike Luke, one of pure joy and jubilation. In fact, LeBron promised his father Karl that he would dedicate one of his dunks to the Mailman. And he followed through with it. Lebron payed homage to one of the lamest dunks in the history of the NBA (even some missed dunks have been cooler than this:

There really is no other explanation I can think of as to why LeBron would actually choose to re-create a dunk that should never have been created in the first place.

Congrats to LeBron, Karl, Karl's wife, and the James and Malone Families.

*this story is not true. Please don't sue me Lebron or Karl.


And One said...

Well deserving of an And One "Stop it."

Nicely played. -C

Jim said...

If Karl Malone want to, he can have as many illegitimate childrens he want to, out there.