Monday, December 1, 2008


Thanksgiving has now come and gone. A brief report on my family spread: Turkey and cranberries (of course), stuffing, green bean salad, sweet potato with banana and honey casserole, mashed potatoes and gravy, relish plate, homemade rolls, Cherry, Apple, Banana Cream & Pumpkin Pies. It was a wonderful meal enjoyed in the presence of people I mostly like. My body is now recovering from the copious amounts of Turkey and stuffing I ate Thanksgiving and in the immediate days following. My farts are no longer smelling like pure Turkey, and are regaining their normal potency. (My poor wife. If you think regular strength Boyd is bad, you should smell extra-strength Boyd.)

Anyway,at this time of year, we are urged to give thanks for all of the wonderful things we have in this country, like Tivo and Breast Implants. The Holidays can bring out the best and worst in people, but they are, for the most part, a time for people to show gratitude for their blessings. And today, I feel like it is time for some of you to give gratitude for one of your greatest blessings: Me. Today is officially You'rewelcomesgiving.

You're welcome for my awesomeness. I know that sometimes you people tend to take my awesomeness for granted, but remember the feelings you have in your heart when I fail to post an article, or clearly mail one in, and realize that the inverse feeling that you get when I do post comes from my utter awesomeness. I mean, you don't feel half as bad or cheated when T-Bone posts some shitty email about Tim Tebow as you do when I write a lazy list of links to other blogs (although those blogs are all great.) Why don't you feel like that when T-Bone sucks and do feel it when I suck? My awesomeness.

You're welcome for my endless comparisons. You know you loved it when I compared Rush with Kwame Brown, and you love that I think that Kwame Brown is probably getting a raw deal on that comparison. And when I compared the Knicks to Angela Lansbury? That was the stuff legends are made of. Look forward to the upcoming months, as surely more of these types of things will come into my mind. You're welcome in advance.

You're welcome for my humility. If I were more conceited, it would make this blog unbearable. But because I am a pillar of humility, you can come here and bask in our glow. I am so thankful to myself for my humility.

If you can think of anything else, please feel free to comment. If not, I'll just have to be content knowing in my heart that you don't comment because you don't want to cheapen your appreciation for me by putting it into words.


Jim said...

Boyd, thank you for being born. When you slid into this world all full of piss and vinegar I was no longer the youngest child and consequently no longer had to take the lion's share of the torment dished out by my older siblings. It was I who could now torment you and for this I owe you my everlasting thanks. Because you were born I never had to look toward the heavens with tears rolling down my bright red cheeks and weep the words "Heavenly Father, please, please make them stop teasing me!" because you, as the youngest, were the one getting teased. Thank you for this, Boyd. Oh, and for your awesomeness. Thank you for that too.

Phil said...

dude there is no chart for your awesomeness