Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Ugliest Uniforms in College Football

This morning while I was running on the treadmill at the gym they had the television set on the Olympics on MSNBC, which was showing a women's semifinal basketball game. Australia was in the game and they were wearing some hideous uniforms that looked like some kind of leatard. It was strange to see on the basketball court. Maybe some of the NBA teams should look into the ultra-tight uni for next season. Who doesn't want to see Shaq doing his pimp run down the court in a leatard? I know I do... Anyhow, seeing the pitiful Australian uniforms led me to this: the ugliest uniforms in college football (this is college football that somewhat matters, not FCS or anyone from the Sun Belt). I remembered that Sports Illlustrated did a list of the ten ugliest uniforms in college football, so after I did this list I looked their list up for comparison. I've included it at the bottom. Simply put, my list is better. The general theme seems to be that orange is not good. If this doesn't get you geared up for the season, I don't know what will.

5. Wyoming - Brown and yellow are just beautiful together, as evidenced by the Pokes unis. The yellow stripes down the shoulders are pretty sick too. The combination just evokes thoughts of potty training.

4. Any team wearing all yellow - This doesn't apply to basketball obviously, because the yellow Lakers uniforms are the greatest NBA uniform of all time. They're beautiful. In football, however, yellow makes players look ridiculous. When I see teams in all yellow it makes me think back to the Mo' Money Mo' Problems music video with Puff Daddy and Ma$e sporting their shiny one-color bodysuits and shades while floating in that tunnel. On football teams it looks equally stupid.

3. Clemson - This is tough, because I like Clemson's helmets, and the purple jerseys with the white pants are pretty cool, but the purple jersey with orange helmet and pants is just too much. I used to work with a girl who went to Clemson. Hey Rich - tell her that the Tigers make my ugliest gear list and that I said hello. And that they will probably lose to a team they should slaughter at some point this year. Probably at home. Anyway, purple and orange are a bad combo.

2. Syracuse - If all yellow is bad, all orange is horrible. This is what crossing guards should wear. How awesome would that have been in elementary if your crossing guard showed up sporting all orange gear with some sick blue shoulder stripes intead of the weak little strap they used to wear? I would have loved it. I also included a picture of their blue unis because they are pretty freaking bad too. I would be embarrassed to be a 'Cuse fan right now as much for the gear as for the product on the field. Goodness.

1. Any school from the state of Oregon - Oregon's experiment with the tennis ball helmet has been a miserable failure and they should never do it again - ever. The green helmets are pretty sweet actually, so why break out the puke yellow/green? Plus they have tire treads on their legs and shoulders - tire treads! What is that symbolic of? Getting run over? Running over someone else? Whoever thought that was a good idea... Oregon State on the other hand has uniforms that look like they're sporting a high-riding bra. Nice work. It looks like they have all tried to stretch a sports bra over their shoulder pads and it keeps riding up to reveal their uniform numbers. Plus, it's orange. The Oregon - Oregon State game is the ugliest of the season in college football. And here's a prediction - OSU will win it again this year.

Well, there is the list. I must admit, my wife critiqued this and told me that Wyoming should be at 5, not 4, so she deserves a citation here. Here is the SI list:
10. Utah
9. Notre Dame (the green jersey)
8. Iowa State
7. Clemson (orange jerseys)
6. Air Force
5. Delaware (FCS - who cares?)
4. Syracuse
3. Rhode Island
2. Wyoming
1. Oregon

How is Oregon State not on this list? That alone proves my list superior.


Anonymous said...

I'm an Oregon alum, so I'm biased, but I love the Ducks' uniforms--not a particular combination (though a couple of them are truly cool, such as the all-white "Imperial Storm Trooper" look), but the whole weird "What shall we wear today?" concept.

That said, it must be admitted that you can find a lot of Oregon alums and fans out there who think that the current uniforms are ghastly. (And for certain looks I agree---such as the "wings on the shoulders.")

Either way, no one can deny that the uniforms have gained UO massive national attention, and several blue-chip recruits! That alone makes them a success!