Friday, September 19, 2008

CGW - Coaches Gone Wild

There's not much I love more than a good rant from a sports coach. I'm not talking about the little league coach who is yelling at parents in the stands and telling them he'll play whoever he wants to play. I mean the classic college or professional sports coach who puts on a great show for the media or the fans. Even though I didn't put one on this list, I love a good baseball manager who gets about four inches from an umpire's face and screams. Then he goes and kicks dirt on the plate. Then he gets really mad, pulls second base up, and launches it into center. I love that. LOVE that. I crack up every time. I may have obsessive-compulsive disorder or something, but a compulsion of mine appears to be making lists. So, here are seven of my favorite coaching tirades/meltdowns of all time, in no particular order (I reserve the right to make my list of athlete meltdowns at a later date, so you won't see some of the classic lines, such as "I will eat your babies," or "practice," in this one):

Herm Edwards, New York Jets: I've always wondered why we play sports. Leave it to Herm Edwards to give me the answer I've been searching for. Herm gave this prepared speech after the Jets lost a game to the Cleveland Browns that left the Jets at 2-5. The speech must have been masterful because the Jets went 7-2 the rest of the season to finish as AFC East Champions at 9-7. Edwards also parlayed this into a book called You Play to Win the Game: Leadership Lessons for Success On and Off the Field. Herm also dropped this beauty after losing 6 straight games with the Chiefs: "Get over it! It happens. It's called life." Thanks, Herm. I think I'll go order his book from Amazon. Here's a link for those of you who are interested.

Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State football: This Gundy rant is tremendous. It's so scripted that it almost reminds me of a bad wrestling promo. You know, like from Bret "The Hitman" Hart or something. The best part is that Gundy says "I'm a man!" with such authority that it almost convinces me that the player he's defending doesn't qualify for that designation. The player is either a boy or a woman, then? I wish Gundy would have clarified that for me.

John Chaney, Temple basketball: After a basketball game against UMass, John Chaney was adamant that UMass coach John Calipari intimidated the referees into making calls for the Minutemen. Chaney got so irate that he actually threatened Calipari, screaming: "I'll kill you. I'm gonna kick your a$$." Chaney also explained to Calipari that this was the reason he told his players to hit Cal's players in the bleeping mouth. Chaney, who had to be 60 at the time, actually had to be restrained from going over and giving Coach Cal the business. I'm not an MMA fan, but seeing Calipari vs. Chaney would probably draw big PPV buyrates.

Dennis Green, Arizona Cardinals: This one is just flat-out funny. Green was bent out of shape because his Cardinals blew a big lead to the Bears on Monday Night Football and he decided to deliver this gem of a press conference. I can't decide which is my favorite part: his all of the sudden becoming irate or the way he storms out after his speech. Good stuff, Denny.

Bobby Knight, Indiana basketball: This is classic. Who throws a chair? Not only that, but at other people? This is amazing because it seems like one of those tantrums my 3-year-old daughter might throw, but even she would be too embarrassed to take it this far. Imagine if The General had a better arm - he could have pulverized someone. I could have selected so many from coach Knight, but the chair toss is classic. Like an event at the Redneck Olympics or something.

Jim Mora, Indianapolis Colts: Not only does Mora give us a lesson in all the different levels and classifications of football, but he helps us know that him saying "that sucks" is just his opinion, not gospel doctrine. Thanks, Jim. Oh, then we get a masterful breakdown on a Saints game that they apparently lost. "Diddley Poo" should be in the one-liner hall of fame if there is such thing.

Boise State at 16 Oregon
Hank: Oregon on a hunch.
Rob: Oregon - big
Taylor: Oregon - new QB but the D is really good.
Boyd: Oregon
18 Wake Forest at 24 Florida State
H: WF - because of my distain for FSU and because WF is just a better team.
R: WF - FSU hasn't played anyone. Why are they even ranked?
T: WF - FSU has more overall talent, but I don't know that they can beat a good team.
B: Florida State
6 LSU at 10 Auburn
H: LSU - this is a wildcard game, but I'll go with LSU
R: LSU in an ugly one
T: LSU - LSU wins the battle up front and takes a road win.
3 Georgia at Arizona State
H: Georgia - competitive, but UGA wins it
R: ASU - tough to win in a Pac 10 stadium
T: Georgia - ASU will make it closer than people think. They'll want to make up for losing to a crappy UNLV team.
B: Georgia
4 Florida at Tennessee
H: Florida - Gators pull away in the second half
R: Florida - big
T: Florida - Tennesse doesn't know how to run their new offensive scheme yet. Florida wins.
B: Florida


Rob said...

So my gutsy ASU pick is the only difference between all our picks? Lame!

Boyd said...

I chose FSU to beat Wake.

It's college football picks, not rocket science. If we wanted different type picks, we should have done NFL where the teams are MUCH closer together.


Boyd said...

my favorite one, by far, was "we couldn't do dittly poo" too good. check out hal mcrae for a great blow up.

Anonymous said...

awesome. there are so many bobby knight explosions that you could put up there that would be sweet.

Dave said...

I understand that your list is not meant to be comprehensive, however Dan Hawkins must always be included among the greatest coach rants of all time. "Go play intramurals, brotha" Here you go: