Monday, November 17, 2008

Facts about Tim Tebow

One of my friends is a huge Florida Gators fan. It borders on obsession. He sent me an email awhile ago that made me laugh. Because the Gators are currently making a push as the best college football team in the country, here are 15 facts about Tim Tebow, the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner.

15. Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. Its descendants are known as giraffes.

14. Tim Tebow caught the roadrunner, and then beat the hell out of Wil E. Coyote for being a pansey.

13. Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.

12. Tim Tebow can eat just one Lays potato chip. Don't tell Tim Tebow what he can't do.

11. Tim Tebow invented black. In fact, Tim Tebow invented the entire spectrum of light. Except pink. Bobby Bowden invented pink.

10. Tim Tebow invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football. In that order.

9. God wanted to create the world in 10 days, but Tim Tebow only gave him 6.

8. Tim Tebow once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

7. Tim Tebow once ate an entire cake before his friends could inform him that there was a stripper in it.

6. The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Tim Tebow has been there. In that case, the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

5. Tim Tebow recently had the idea to sell his canned urine as a beverage. This is now known as Red Bull.

4. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Tim Tebow, each testicle is larger than the other one.

3. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

2. Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong that it wasn't a big deal. Tim Tebow thinks yellow wrist bands are gay.

1. After sex, Tim Tebow smokes. Not cigarettes - his penis literally smokes.