Thursday, November 13, 2008

Food and the NBA

Okay, this is going to be a little crazy.  I was sitting here watching a couple of different NBA games and then I got to thinking about how hungry I am.  As I was trying to decide what to eat I got to thinking about a list of my favorite foods.  I then said to myself, "Self, I love the NBA so much and I also love food.  I love the Celtics and I love pizza.  Mmmm, pizza.  Hey, if NBA players were food who would be spaghetti and meat balls?"  (I told you it was going to be crazy).

Pizza-Paul Pierce
This was an obvious choice for me because both are my favorite.  I loves me some Paul Pierce just like I loves me some pizza.  Pizza has so many different options.  You can go with plain cheese, hawaiian, or pepperoni which is a favorite in my household, but your choices don't end there, not by a long shot.  Sausage, olives, mushrooms, onions, peppers, ham, bacon, hamburger, and tomatoes are all delicious backed into a pizza pie.  Some people like goat cheese and artichoke hearts on their pizza (which sounds disgusting to me) but never having tried it, I can't say if it's good or not.  To me, Paul Pierce is like pizza.  Pierce can give it to you so many ways.  He has the sweet outside shot and on occasion if he sets his mind to it can rain threes down on you from any spot around the arc.  He can post up, he can slash to the basket, he has a midrange game, he can fade away, he plays in the middle of the key, on the wing, or from the baseline.  Pierce can shoot free throws so you can foul him and send him to the line because he'll kill you.  Some people will argue that Kobe should be pizza, but Kobe is too much of an A-hole to be sweet, beautiful pizza.  Pizza would never cheat on his wife or allegedly rape his lady friend, that's more a sushi or lamb chops move.  And Lebron can't be pizza because he can't shoot and believe me when I say it, pizza can shoot the lights out.

Fillet Mignon-Tim Duncan
I enjoy a succulent steak whenever I can afford one (I'm not talking about a steak at Sizzlers now, I'm talking about a beautiful piece of center cut fillet about three inches thick and cooked to perfection by a real chef, not a guy who works at the taco cart part time and will drywall your basement for beer).  Steak is a staple of american cuisine.  It is basic, simple, but extremely delicious.  Steak is best when seasoned with salt and pepper.  It is ordinary but satisfying.  Tim Duncan is known as "the Big Fundamental".  He is not flashy or exciting, but the quality of his game can never be questioned.  Like steak Duncan is a staple of american cuisine, er basketball.  Duncan's salt and pepper are Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker.  These players compliment Duncan just as these simple seasonings make a steak even more delicious, and as we have seen this season, without his salt and pepper Duncan is still a stud but just not as good as he could be.  P.S. Tim Duncan has a two head instead of a forehead.  This has nothing to do with food, but it is an interesting FYI.

Ice Cream Crepes-Dirk Nowitzki
I had this really good dessert the other day and it made me think of Nowitzki.  The thin crepes were filled with vanilla ice cream, surrounded by fresh berries, and drizzled with a butter chocolate sauce.    The combination of these flavors was a bit foreign yet extremely delicious.  After a few bites however, I realized that my plate must have just come out of the dishwasher and was still a little warm.  This desert could not stand up to even this limited heat source and the ice cream had melted before I could get through the entire dish.  Dirk Nowitzki is also a little foreign yet his game is extremely delicious.  A seven footer with that type of range should not be allowed to exist.  Nowitzki is surrounded by some fresh berries in Josh Howard and Jason Kidd and a few sour ones in Erick Dampier and Gerald Green.  Jerry Stackhouse  and Jason Terry add the chocolate sauce (and not like you are thinking, when I say chocolate sauce in this case I mean sauce made from chocolate not whatever sick and twisted thing you disgusting bastards are thinking.  Get your minds out of the gutter).  And lastly, just like my ice cream treat, Dirk Nowitzki melts under the mildest application of heat like the playoffs or some other pressure packed situation like free throws when the game is on the line.

Honorable Mentions:
Spaghetti and Meatballs-Shaq (because meatballs sound fat)
Devils Spit Hot Wings-KG (because of their shared intensity)
Anything cooked on the Hibachi-Gilbert Arenas (because dude thinks he's cookin' suckers)
Moo goo gai pan-Yao Ming (obvious reasons)
Anything that is cooked with a huge flash of fire and then leaves a really bad taste in your mouth-Vince Carter (he has now quit on TWO teams)

Feel free to add your NBA favorites, bake until golden brown around the edges, let cool, and enjoy!


Jim said...

P.S. I forgot another way that Paul Pierce is like pizza. You have to cut pizza in order to enjoy it properly, just like Paul must be stabbed (or cut) multiple times outside of a Boston bar in order to reach his full potential of sweetness.


Rob said...

You'd think Paul Pierce is God reading this blog!! Paul Pierce overload!!!

Che said...

I'd like to take this analogy a step further and declare that Ron Harper and Robert Horry are salt and cheese. These players are not worthy of being likened to entire entrees, just as you would never sit down and eat a plate of salt or a brick of cheese, well maybe a brick of cheese. However, add these items to any entree and you've got a championship dish - they just make everything better. These dudes could never stand alone as serious players, but added to Bulls and Lakers, or Lakers and Spurs you get lots of rings. I realize both players are a little out-dated, and I suppose maybe James Posey would be the new cheese, but I'm not sold that the Hornets will be a legit title contender, or just media darlings. Hey, can we start a campaign for James "The New Cheese" Posey? That's all I've got for now.

Boyd said...

Rob-sounds like sour grapes from a bitter Lakers fan. You're gonna hear about Paul Pierce on this blog, because here, we write about the best.

Che said...

Don't you mean you write about the bess. Cause when you're the bess, you play with the bess - Paul Pierce Spalding Infusion

Taylor said...

The best would happen to be Kobe...

Jim said...

Kobe is the bess at avoiding rape charges and the bess at getting his ass handed to him by the Celtics in game six of the Finals last year, but not the bess player in the NBA right now and he is definitely no pizza.

Rob needs to take a look at what Paul Pierce did this last week (you will be able to find his stats when the NBA awards him with Player of the Week status a few days from now) and then maybe you will realize, as I already have, that right now Paul Pierce is God.

Thanks for reading sour grapes Laker fan.