Monday, November 3, 2008

My Votes

Boyd gave us our ballot options yesterday - and fine options they were - and I decided to make my responses public, along with a bit about why I voted the way I did. Click here to cast your votes. In an important update, Angela Lansbury is indeed still alive. I have verified this through a quick 5 second search using the Internet. Patrice - you can rest easy, baby. It's all love here at the Strap.

1. Best NBA Player - Kobe Bryant
This could be an entire column, but I'll save that for another time. Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player in the world. LeBron James is a great player (and more of a team player) and is probably the best athlete in the league, but Kobe is the most skilled player in the league right now. Kobe is the most dynamic offensive threat since Jordan and is a better man defender than King James. The math is simple: better on offense + better on defense = better overall. Basketball is played at both ends of the floor, so Kobe comes out ahead here. On top of that you have Kobe's pride, mentality, and competitive nature - Kobe doesn't want to be known as the best player in the NBA, he wants to be known as the best player ever. And he plays like it. I just can't pick James over Bryant at this point. That said, LeBron is better at his age than Kobe was at the same age, and LeBron seems to have potential to get even better, whereas I would say that Kobe probably doesn't have the ceiling that LeBron does. My vote goes to KB24 right now, but LeBron will eventually surpass him.

2. Best Point Guard - Chris Paul
Paul gets the nod for two main reasons: his hands and decision making. Paul is the best decision maker in basketball. His ball control is amazing and he turns the ball over much less than most point guards. Paul seems to get every loose ball - he led the league in assists and steals per game last season. He also finished second in scoring and fourth in rebounding among all point guards. Jazz fans, prepare your rebuttal.

3. Most Hated NBA Player - Ron Artest
I like Artest much more than Ginobili, but I voted for the Tru Warrior because I think more people dislike him. He is too insane to not be hated by millions of NBA fans around the United States, particularly due to his role in the brawl at the Palace (even though Ben Wallace doesn't get enough credit for instigating that melee).

4. Most Likely to Be In a Boy Band - Wally Szczerbiak
How can you choose anyone other than Wally or Kevin Love? Kevin Love looks like the Color Me Badd guy and has the last name for it, but the guy is too tubby to be convincing. Look at how the only Nsync guy anyone knows is Timberlake - because the other guys were fat or ugly. Now, Wally on the other hand has the look - washboard abs, tousled hair, and a strong jawline. I said it. Wally could fit right in with a boy band.

5. Best 80s Wrestler - Ric Flair
This was a tough one, but due mostly to his amazing promo skills The Nature Boy is the choice. Flair was insane, great on the mic, good in the ring, executed the Flair flop, and wore pageant-quality sequined gowns. Wooooooooo!!

6. Sport You Care Least About - Soccer
Soccer is the most boring sport on the freaking planet. I have a bunch of friends who will get up at 3 in the morning to watch World Cup soccer. I just don't get it. It's like people with their purse dogs - I just don't get it. Can someone please explain to me why I should care about soccer?

7. Best Condiment - Ketchup
Ketchup gets the nod here for versatility. Ketchup enhances the hot dog, corn dog, hamburger, meatloaf, onion rings, french fries, eggs, etc. No other condiment can compete with that kind of multifaceted excellence. BBQ sauce is wonderful (and I actually prefer it on most things) but doesn't have as many applications.

8. Best Sports Babe - Elisha Cuthbert
You can't go wrong here, but I like blondes, so Cuthbert gets my vote.

9. Most Likely to be the First Picked on Hell's Football Team - Orenthal James Simpson
The Juice has truly earned my vote (who voted for Ray Lewis?). I could list all of OJ's illegal accomplishments, but suffice it to say that his criminal history is long and impressive. The guy wrote a book called If I Did It about the murders of Nicole and Ronald. That takes some serious balls and probably punched his ticket to hell on the spot. Then OJ was arrested for robbery in Las Vegas and when questioned by the media he reportedly said, "I thought what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Nobody can touch the Juice.


Cheeth said...

Dude, I voted for Ray Lewis. He has the same murder stats, but is way badder-ass than Orenthal. Plus, defense wins championships, even in the hoary nether-regions.